Forgiveness may be the hardest thing Jesus asks of us. When someone hurts you deeply, the part of you that wants justice does not want to forgive. Yet Jesus is unequivocal: "If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:15).
What Biblical Forgiveness Is
Forgiveness is a deliberate decision to release someone from the debt they owe you. It is not a feeling. It is a choice. When you forgive, you make four promises:
1. I will not dwell on this offense — I will not replay it in my mind
2. I will not bring this up against you — I will not use it as ammunition
3. I will not talk to others about this — I will not gossip or slander
4. I will not let this come between us — I will pursue reconciliation where possible
What Forgiveness Is Not
Forgiveness is not forgetting. The Bible never says "forgive and forget." Human beings cannot erase memories. Forgiveness is about how we hold the memory.
Forgiveness is not excusing the wrong. It says "what you did was wrong, and I release you from the debt anyway."
Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Reconciliation requires the offender to repent and rebuild trust. Forgiveness is something you can do even when the other person has not apologized.
Forgiveness is not enabling abuse. You can forgive and still set boundaries. You can forgive and still pursue safety.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
In Matthew 18, a servant owed his master ten thousand talents — an impossible debt. The master forgave it. That same servant found someone who owed him a hundred denarii — about three months' wages — and had him thrown into prison. When we truly see the weight of our own sin against God, the wrongs others have done look different.
How to Forgive: Practical Steps
Step 1: Name the offense honestly. You cannot forgive what you minimize. Write it down.
Step 2: Bring it to God. The psalms are full of raw, honest lament. God can handle your anger and pain.
Step 3: Release the debt. Say aloud: "I release [name] from the debt they owe me for [specific offense]. I give up my right to revenge and resentment."
Step 4: Pray for the person. It is nearly impossible to stay angry at someone you are genuinely praying for. Start small: pray for their wellbeing.
Step 5: Repeat as needed. Forgiveness is often a process, not a one-time event. Each time you release it, the wound has less hold on you.
A Prayer for Forgiveness
Lord, you have forgiven me far more than I could ever repay. I choose to release [name] from the debt they owe me. I give up my right to resentment and revenge. I entrust justice to you. Help me to keep choosing forgiveness until my heart catches up with my decision. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Related reading: What Is Grace? A Biblical Definition and Guide | How to Pray When You Don't Know What to Say